


Sexual Courtship of Idiots

by saunatonttu



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Dick Pics, M/M, Post canon, how to seduce hibari kyouya into wanting to have sex with you (or not), rated Mature for excessive mentions of dick pics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 23:15:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17610902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saunatonttu/pseuds/saunatonttu
Summary: To send a dick pic or to not send a dick pic? Alas, that was the question.





	Sexual Courtship of Idiots

**Author's Note:**

> For Atan, whose prompts continue to fill me with absolute delight.

Things began to settle as they finished middle school: it was as if their enemies had decided that bothering soon-to-be high schoolers was a little too mean and that puberty was shitty enough to deal with without the threat of a mafia assassin following them around. Even the occasional Varia visit, which always ended in a vague skirmish or Squalo yelling Takeshi’s ears off, wasn’t so bad in comparison to the teenage hormones that crept in like a particularly sneaky thief. Not that they hadn’t already been teens – it was just that they became even _more_ teenager that was the problem, with pimples, cracking voices, and badly timed erections.

All in all, it was embarrassing, though Takeshi still tried to keep up a good humour about it all.

Meanwhile Hibari seemed unaffected by such things as _age_ and _hormones_ , but perhaps he was more used to handling them – he was older, after all, well into his teenage moodiness by the time Takeshi had got to know him on a deeper level. Gokudera theorized that picking fights and disciplining freshmen at Namimori Middle School had been Hibari’s way of getting off, to which Takeshi had said that smoking must be Gokudera’s way of doing the same. Gokudera had almost throttled him for that; only Tsuna’s long-suffering sigh had held him back from finishing the job.

And sure, Takeshi had leafed through magazines to get off even before middle school came to an end but there had always been something going on that kept him distracted or otherwise focused elsewhere than the growing pains and his body’s attraction to Hibari. Though his overall fascination with Hibari Kyouya always got in the way of even most important things, according to Gokudera.

Takeshi didn’t really think so, though. They went out on dates and, sure, they called each other often enough outside schooltime, but his and Hibari’s relationship had never got in the way of the action that formed a chaos around them near the end of their middle school years. It was only after middle school that he had more time that he had more time to sit back and relax and have more time with just Hibari.

”I cannot fathom why you would _want_ to spend more time with that freak,” Gokudera had told Takeshi when he had expressed this sentiment. Instead of annoyance, Gokudera’s face had shown only resignation even as his teeth nipped at the cigarette between his lips.

”Because he’s hot,” Takeshi had said. The intent had been to tease, but the statement was true nevertheless. There was just… _more_ to Hibari than hotness and beating people senseless, though the latter actually kind of contributed to his attractiveness. Seeing Gokudera’s face turn a bit pale in reaction, however, was too funny to miss out on.

 _You’re an interesting one,_ Hibari always texted back when Takeshi told him about his newest successes at riling Gokudera up. The messages held a tone of disguised pride in them, though Takeshi was perhaps reading a bit too much into them.

 _For finding you hot?_ Takeshi usually added a winky face at the end of his messages. Hibari rarely used smileys or emojis of any kind. When he did, it was unsettling. That was according to Tsuna, who sometimes caught a glimpse of Takeshi’s messages by accident. Though Tsuna no longer paled at every mention of Hibari like he had early on in middle school, he still made faces of terror at finding out too much about Hibari and Takeshi’s private life. Not as much as he used to, however.

 _Not many have the courage to say that to me even through text, Yamamoto Takeshi._ Something about the deadpan messages always pulled a smile out of Takeshi – though, according to most, getting him to smile didn’t require much effort. Still, something was different in the expressions that thoughts of Hibari tugged out of Takeshi.

 _Guess I’m bold like that, heh._ But there was something that Takeshi didn’t know how to bring up and which, no matter how many subtle hints Takeshi threw at him, Hibari refused to acknowledge or notice. ”He’s a dumbass,” Gokudera would drawl if Takeshi were to comment on it. ”You gotta make things especially clear for him, since he probably has lost several hundred of his bran cells with so much fighting.”

 _It makes you intriguing, if nothing else._ If Hibari felt particularly soft, he would send a photo of Hibird nestled up in a pile of fabrics. He did this time, as well, and Takeshi’s chest grew warm, although the picture of a soft-feathered bird made it difficult to steer conversation into the intended ’so, uh, wanna get a dick pic?’ area.

(He heard it was all the rage these days. Stop laughing, Gokudera – it’s not funny – hey, what are those fists for–)

There never seemed to be any time for those, and Takeshi was starting to get antsy as he wasn’t sure how to express that he kind of wanted to get touchier with Hibari than what they’d been so far. Dick pic was a little too straightforward, Kyoko had told him before shaking her head with a flushed smile and adding _but of course, perhaps he would appreciate the straightforwardness of it all._

 

(When she had said so, her friend Hana had choked on the water she’d been sipping from a plastic bottle. ”Kyoko, what the _fuck–”_

”It’s not like it’s unsolicited if it comes from you boyfriend, right?”

”That’s – fine, but wouldn’t Hibari of all people grab a tonfa and go ape?”

”Oh, he’ll grab a tonfa alright–” Kyoko’s giggled words had made Takeshi flush before joining in on the laughter while Hana scowled at the two of them.)

 

Perhaps he really just ought to send one and wait for Hibari to catch the hint? Takeshi pondered over this at night and between math and English classes at school. Sometimes even during said classes – those were boring, and Hibari’s reactions were more… urgent to consider.

He didn’t really think he was hurrying things, even though Gokudera kept giving him scandalized and weirded out looks whenever he so much as hinted at his attraction towards Hibari. It wasn’t as though Takeshi had directly brought up the things he wanted to do with him. Not yet, at least – Takeshi was tempted solely because he figured Gokudera’s reactions would be hilarious. Kyoko knew only because Takeshi had wanted advice from someone that wouldn’t shove a stick of dynamite on his face at the mere suggestion of dick pics.

In the end, Takeshi decided to ask Hibari himself head on.

Through text message, of course, as Hibari skipped many high school classes to keep wandering near the Namimori Middle. Or patrolling, as Hibari insisted on calling it.

 _Your opinion on dick picks?_ A goofy emoji followed the entirely too casual confirmation. Takeshi held his breath waiting for the response, although he knew he might have to wait for a few hours. Hibari very rarely noticed receiving text or instant messages within the hour of the message had been sent.

Time passed at a snail’s pace until Hibari finally responded with a simple _?,_ which made Takeshi bite at his lip to hold in a laugh. He shouldn’t disturb his father in the kitchen when he was working on dinner, after all. But a quiet snort left Takeshi’s mouth despite his efforts.

Truth be told, there were a few dick pics on his phone already – carelessly posed for, quickly snapped photos – but he hadn’t dared to send them yet. He wasn’t shy, or anything, but the timing… who would send a dick pic in response to a photo of Hibird, the cute birdy Hibari obviously cared for? The contrast would be too much, and so Takeshi had kept himself from acting.

Now Takeshi bit on his lip as he considered his response to Hibari.

 _Specifically, how do you feel about a photo of mine?_ Takeshi’s face grew hot as he typed the message and sent it on with the same impulsivity that usually turned the tides in baseball. He had the urge to toss the phone away and retire for early sleep, but it was then that his father called him for dinner.

His father commented on the redness of his face, amusement obvious in the old man’s gaze, but Takeshi brushed the comments off, although much more clumsily than ever before. His father was very understanding, always had been, but Takeshi had no real desire to repeat The Talk his old man had given him when he first had found out Takeshi had a boyfriend. He could only brush aside so much awkwardness and embarrassment at once.

The package of condoms stuffed into a drawer in his room was the direct, face-reddening result from _that_ conversation. Takeshi usually kept it out of sight – it only gave him useless thoughts that would turn into much too fascinating dreams at night.

By the time he returned from dinner, a message from Hibari was already waiting for him, catching Takeshi’s breath even before he managed to fumble with his phone to open it. His barely sixteen-year-old heart hammered loud and clear, either from excitement or nervousness. It only settled a little when Takeshi released a heavy breath, forcing himself to relax.

 _I wouldn’t know, as you haven’t sent such a thing to me,_ Hibari’s message stated matter-of-factly. Takeshi wondered if Hibari had even flushed at the question at all – most likely not, but Takeshi rather liked the idea of managing to fluster his stern-faced boyfriend. Now, flopped onto his stomach on his futon, a smile crept upon his lips at the thought.

 _Would you like me to? ;)_ Takeshi remembered the faint feeling of mortification when Gokudera had accidentally found the file titled _For Hibari_ on the phone and opened it out of morbid curiosity, as Gokudera had called it.

 _If this is your attempt at mating ritual, I welcome it,_ Hibari replied, some strange competitiveness attached in each word. And, not a minute later, Hibari questioned, _Is this why you’ve been asking around for advice on penis photography? I was considering biting you dead if you didn’t explain yourself soon._

”Penis photography,” Takeshi muttered to himself in disbelief. Sure, Hibari was awkward as hell in some aspects, but… _penis photography._ Takeshi had to bite at his lip hard enough to make it sore so that he wouldn’t burst into a laughter so loud their neighbours would call the police… or the ambulance.

He wondered what Dino would say about his unofficial charge’s way of describing dick pics. Takeshi ought to ask the next time they met.

Aah, but even like this, Hibari was so cute. Takeshi couldn’t stop himself from grinning like a fool.

_Sorry about that… there was never a time that seemed appropriate, y’know? But yeah, it’s kinda… how you put it. Mating ritual of sorts._

_Well, then. What are you waiting for, Yamamoto Takeshi?_ Hibari’s impatience reeked through the written words, but it only made Takeshi’s chest swell with fondness others might call madness.

Takeshi’s cheeks flushed as he pulled up one such photo, his fingers hesitating on the SEND, but in the end his daring made him go through with it. Even if Hibari were to make fun of the photo, for there were many reasons to do so not limited to the poor lighting, Takeshi was fairly sure he’d like it anyway.

Was this what people called masochism?

Hibari’s response was surprisingly fast, a mere minute or two after Takeshi had sent the photo.

 _My home, this Friday. Bring clothes you can change into afterwards,_ Hibari wrote with all the confidence of someone Takeshi was fairly sure hadn’t slept with anyone.

_Huh?_

_The photo was satisfying enough_ , Hibari responded, his flat tone present in the message. _Consider my curiosity piqued._

Takeshi’s face flushed harder than it had possibly ever done before, but he had to message back before having to deal with the inevitable tension forming in his groin. _Can’t I have one back?_

 _No,_ Hibari said.

_Aw, Hibari._

_Try not to die of suspense, Takeshi._ Hibari rarely dropped his family name, but when he did, it was out of a rare moment of fondness or playfulness. Perhaps it was both this time. Either way, Takeshi couldn’t help but bury his face into a pillow as another smile spread over his face – perhaps the biggest one he had yet had through his strange relationship with Hibari.


End file.
